Alhamdulillah. thanks Allah for giving me the chance to fall back on You. all the time. i am indeed very happy right now. the desire to be happy is so high. i now know what is happiness for me right now at this moment. its the smile and hope of my loved one that shall be fulfilled.
i simply can't stop seeking for more chances to make my loved ones proud of me. after my father passed away, we, the family, are so full with activities. activities on our own. inspiring each of us to be better than before. he left us with so many memories and lessons.
i just finished my routine. classes and couple of hours of workout. feel good. cant wait to fill my Thursday with activities. so that before i sleep i can reminisce the day, smiling and be happy.
happiness is the most addictive feeling in the world. opt to not be sad. life is too short for us to dwell on losses. be sad for 2 minutes and make the rest of the day a happy day. n yeah, start your morning with a smile. a smile makes a sunshine day. hehehe.
aku bersyukur sangat aku x kerja kat luar. ash pernah cakap blessing in disguihinse.yea the right phrase for yesterday. 21st august 2011. i am very thankful for having such a loving and encouraging mother.one person who never fails to make up for my flaws.she's always there and a very patient person for my flaws are mind fucking flaws.i wish of a life where i can make her the happiest person on earth. dead or alive. she has always been by my side through my thick and thin and she made my dreams come true. i wish of every past that i'd hurt her to be fix. making her the mother with no worries.but imperfections shape us as a mother and son.i thought staying home would wreck her mind but she was sobbing for the thought that i have in my mind. a happy sob.
a good year for me. love u mak.alhamdulillah. thanks for 2011.
this negative energy im feeling from u makes me sad my dear friend.
i love u too much that i cant hold myself anymore. so i have to let it out here since i know u'll notice that i've updated my blog after a while. u listening to Britney is funny and i know something is wrong.
never ever cross my mind that u're not fit in my circle of friend. everybody is special in their own way. for now i think most of u have found their self. we love ourselves. u might not realize it but all of us work hard on our own to achieve what we are so proud of right now. might be to comfy for now but it is sufficient. there's more to come and we certainly cant be dwelling over the same thing as there's just too much to think about. what im doing right now is to dwell for a second and get my ass on it as fast as i can. just like what ashie always told me. god i miss him right now.
just because ure a lil bit bigger than any of us doesnt make u not deserving a spot in our life. there is no such thing as spot or a place in our life. if u were to open ur eyes big enough, u would see how many people we have let them to enter our life and with destiny, ure stuck with us.
so please, dont be sad. i love u so much dear friend. u're so close to me. i cant help myself seeing u gloomy all night long.
n u need to be patient. remember what we have always told u?u have to take one step at a time. all of us have been tip toeing ourselves to our own journey. shortcuts doesnt help. it break us down even harder. please. be patient. u need it. endurance. i need u to have it for urself. u dont need it for others. for others to be impressed with u. no. u need it for urself.
effing depressed. just got my result for my test. hell its no good. f f f f f f. all i think about right now is how awful i am in the class. why cant i be serious? i know its just english but its hard. conceptual. f f f f f f. i wish that i could turn back time and not miss those two class. and yeah. its my first time seeing a lecturer snapped out. another hell in a day. but its a blessing when it comes to presentation. luckily the lecturer didn't snapped on the class. i'm just too playful i guess. this is one part of myself that i despise. for not able to be serious when the time comes. :(
you don't always get what you want. sometimes you don't even get what you need. for you who cross over this situation. take a step back. look at the bigger picture in your life and start asking these questions to yourself. why and how. maybe these won't help you much but at least when you see things from the other perspectives you might have an idea or plans that you can work out on.
why? why am i ugly? why am i too thin? too fat? single? dumped? my broadband is not working? why do i have cellulite? stretch marks? why in this time of life, at this age, do i have to deal with crap like this? when you start asking yourself why, you'll reflect your life back. criticizing yourself instead of feeling fine all the time. some people are just too arrogant to admit their weaknesses. i find that when you can admit your own flaws, you'll grow as a person. almost perfect. almost. getting there -the comfortable zone that you dream about- is not easy. you have to polish yourself so you'll be a better person. your flaw is something you should be proud of, it shapes who you are as a person. so take an action over your weaknesses. deal with it. accept it. that maybe you'll have a better life not now maybe soon. like a husband anticipating his wife to get pregnant asap, he would be heart broken if that belly did not pop. so relax. work hard for the life that you want.
since you have stab yourself with the question of why, here comes the remedy, how? how do i become pretty? meaty? slim? in a relationship? get this cellulite and stretch mark go away? and not getting dumped all the time? this is where action take place. get yourself involve in this self discovery phase. where you get to know yourself better than ever. your true potential as a person. what can you actually do with your life. you might be someone you never expect. unknowingly, you'll find yourself passed over the stage of blip on the radar. the problem will go away when you stop dwelling and get yourself playing the role of "you" in your life.
for now. im happy. not all rainbow and sunshine but its not cloudy. warm. delight. i think the best cure for sadness is to let it out. don't lie to yourself. lying is like running away from the real reason why you're sad. you'll be dopey. you'll lost track. but when you face it and be cool with the fact that sometimes you don't always get what you want (in my case). you'll feel better. i'm 16 again! hahaha.