forever and always

forever and always. i wish i could say this phrase to u. tapi tak ada rezeki. you have your own way of seeing things. maybe the age factor gives you more exposure. unlike me yang baru nak kenal dunia and when you act like you are the best couch to land on, act je, aku misunderstood. yelah. susah nak kenal hati budi orang in a split second. semua orang kat dunia ini ada agenda sendiri sedar tak sedar. maybe it was just the phase of loneliness. i was yearning for some attention. you know what i mean. when we are in despair, all we have is ourselves. you can trust no one but your self. credits to layla for these words. nasib baik aku jumpa kau. an eye opener. aku tak sangka yang aku akan fall in that trap. sometimes i wonder why do you gave me all the signals? maybe you cant foresee what happen next kan? so you know what, i am moving on. i always told my friends that when you had your heart broken, lagi-lagi first love, move on, cari orang baru or jadi single je and know yourself better sampai kau ready and just keep that special someone in your heart as a special person. nothing more than that because what's the point of holding to something that you cant hold? tapi bila kena dekat muka sendiri memang dumbstruck. terpinga-pinga. clueless. dopey. jadi bodoh. haish. so now, im dwelling upon my words and digesting it. insya Allah aku okay. lagi pun aku dah mula meluat fikir pasal kau. hahaha. tergelak pun ada. dulu cakap "i will never hate you cus i never felt this way" tapi sekarang dah lain pulak.

enough with that shit.

ouh yeah. sekarang ni dah ada macam "ritual" bila melepak dengan sahabat-sahabat saya. ahahaha. memang macam sial. say grace. tho its not in my norm, but we make it like our friendship symbol. lagi-lagi bila berempat. like afiq, aku pun lupa jugak nak cakap apa time tu, so blogging pun cute what. ahaha. of course im thankful to God for meeting us up. for my health and everything. but thanks to Ash for being there throughout the whole time, you are indeed a friend, true friend. ada saja benda nak buat. things to spice up. make it more us. ahaha. aku kadang-kadang tak larat nak melayan kepala gila kau. tapi kalau tak layan tak best pulak. macam left out. ahaha. Zack. aku rasa dalam banyak kawan, maybe ye. maybe. kau la yang paling aku sayang. sebab bila jumpa. kalau tak gaduh, macam pelik. tapi tak pernah nak putus kawan ke apa ke. you have always been there for me. in any way pun and you know what i mean here. you are my therapy. lega bila jumpa kau especially bila kepala kusut. mesti bawak aku melalak. pastu marah-marah aku nyanyi lagu britney. cilaka. love you sis. and Afiq, aku terkejut okay yang kau ada banyak benda in common dengan aku. your birthday, your life, what you like to eat, what you like think. maybe thats why we can click instantly. you know that i am always here to be your shoulder to cry on. i will try my best to help you to be the better you but bear in mind that you can trust no one but yourself. put your guards as to not letting people come in that easy. love

adios.

frankly from my heart

x suka la gaduh gaduh ni. tapi kalau tak gaduh tak sayang. so yeah. susah kan bila sayang sangat sampai tak nak bagitau the truth that might hurt the people we love. yes. honesty is the best policy. tapi ada sebab the term white lies wujud. i know most of the time you wouldn't dare to tell it straight into my face but i can tell how exactly you're feeling. so most of the time you would be dwelling about my lifestyle that is so busuk in your eyes but same goes to me, i see the same things too. how you live your life. so i understand. but one thing for sure is that why in the world would you be mad just because you were lonely and i was having fun in my own way? you despise my way. you hate it. loath it. i rarely jumped off when you become picky, diva-ish and some other attitudes that i cant describe with words. so relax la babe. nak pulak kau ikut kitorang. mesti kau akan ajak pergi tempat lain yang aku dengan kawan-kawan aku takkan enjoy. aku penat sangat dengan perangai kau.

as much as i want u

as much as i want u, i know that it is impossible.

it is impossible when the game that we are playing is not easy.

first come look. when people say first impression is important. hell yeah it is important for us.

then the conversation comes. no matter how cool you are, you are giving me hard time to burst like a firework.

damn you are nice. the brother from the hood call bad ass like you, superrrr fine. cheers.

but in the end, it is what the skin decide. if i am blessed, if and only if.

:((((((

life is about choices

this would be my 2nd time writing an SPM essay with the same title. :D

oh yes. i am comfortable with myself now. i know what i want. when i want. who i want. its all crystal clear now. i can see myself becoming who i should be without jeopardizing who i want be. it is what Sue from the Shoes Store told me. as long as you can juggle everything, you can have what you want. as long as you stick with your principle and amend your wants, so that it suits your need. so yeah. you can have it all. writing this thing at such early age, i might not have all perspective that a 50 years old man has but one thing for sure, i know the best thing for me now.

sinful joys is indeed a sin. its a mistake. its the wrong choice, pick, selection, step, road, but in the end, it is still one of the options available. when you got stuck in everything in between, you are forced to choose. to choose the right thing. with this mind writing this post, it is inevitable for me to make mistake. dear friends, let loose and make mistake as for this age, with little knowledge, mistake is our best teacher. learn from it. not learning is stupid. i am not pious but i still have views. i know what is right and wrong.

one thing that ponders me upon mistake-teacher is that why do we keep repeating such thing? we learned from our mistake but it seems like it just doesn't stick with our heart. the glue that binds a teacher and his students would be love. not like typical the typical three words. but love. you know that love can exist in many ways. so i am saying that we have to love our mistake that we take as our lesson so that it sticks with us. no matter how many pep talks, advices, lectures or anything like it, if you do not love your lesson, you might as well tell the your friend, family or any random people that their advices are not working.

so love, i hope you will learn your lesson in your own way. to become the middle man in your life is a heartache. you get everything you want. you even got the best mistake one could have right now. i guess there is just no love between you and your lesson? i love u love but i think for now, i can't afford to bug you anymore. one thing for sure, you will hear the same old thing from me and you don't love it at all.

you can live without us. i know you can. we will let you go and pull you back in when we are ready again.

walk walk walk

walk this road with me.

eheh?

geli kan?

hahahah. 10/10/10. what u cute date. hari ni rasa macam nak tidur je. lenguh-lenguh. ahad memang macam ni ke? semua emosi? just got back from Iffah's. had nasi kerabu, laksam, popia otak-otak. hebat kan? sedap sangat. nasib baik aku datang. dapat la makan makanan yang agak lama aku tak makan sebab kat Kuantan dulu. it's everywhere. kat sini ada je. tapi nak beli malas gila.

melepak la dengan si Setan Ashrul, Amir Fiq, Angie. kesian Amir Fiq kena bahan. hahaha.

esok dah kerja. haish. malas pun ada. tapi nak duduk rumah membesarkan badan rasa serba salah pulak kat jeans yg aku baru beli kat bundle hari tu. kang tak muat buat sedih je. so kerja lah ye Qayyum.

asyik teringat je kat dia. am i in love? haha. gedik. tiba-tiba je kan.

PARTY

seronot sangat hari ni. went for karaoke with the girls. including Zakwan yang sangat Zee. jalan-jalan Pyramid sampai rasa nak pergi ATM machine, beli shorts butttttt, sekarang kan nak berjimat. nak buat business. ahaha. business. yes. hebat bunyi dia kan?

well. masa lepak dengan Ash semalam. di Bangi Kopitiam Setiawangsa. while temankan Datin Ren, aka kakak ku. kitorang borak-borak la. then suddenly he came out with this idea of becoming a party planner! well. aku memang suka busy-busy kan diri aku dengan hal orang lain. lagi-lagi kalau ada banyak camera. ahahaha. so kitorang pun berbincang lah apa la kan. so far, dah dapat dua function, dua-dua close friend and family. i hope this thing will work out well.

because;

i like pressure ; it keeps me away from dwelling about my problems.

i like happy faces ; this is like the end of every function, muka-muka happy+puas hati. siapa tak suka?

i love party ; nak saja aku berpesta sepanjang masa. ahahaha

so kalau ada yang nak buat event ke, makan-makan ke. you can PM me on my FB, Qayyum Iskandar Sulaiman or yang ada contact number tu, call terus. me and ash can share some ideas and if you like, we can prepare few suggestion for you. :) semangat tak? nangis ramai-ramai jom

blah la kau. nyah kau dari dunia ni! ahahaha

*sambil menarik nafas lega*. tak lega lagi. bahu aku sakit. nak pergi jumpa wak rasidi macam fairy tale. malas betul nak beratur untuk urutan yang memang best dari jawa tua tu. so kena la bangun awal-awal esok pagi. hahahaha. macam boleh?

mula-mula cakap dengan Alice aku habis exam 8 hb. so kalau nak kerja pun start 11hb. tapi sekarang rasa menyesal sebab bosan dah mula masuk selimut aku. selimut aku dah tak best. tak ada keseronokan untuk baring di atas katil selama beberapa hari. i want some action. people! semalam aku rasa down gila lepas lepak dengan Wawa. nothing wrong with her. as usual, her companion is like the best thing could ever happened to me. so siapa yang tak dapat rugi sangat. okay. tiba-tiba cerita Wawa pulak. suppose aku lepak ngn kawan-kawan aku malam semalam. tapi semua macam haram. ada yang dump aku, ada yang malas nak keluar, ada yang tak dapat call langsung, ada yang nak pindah n etc. macam-macam la. aku pun melayan la internet. sempat jugak tengok Glee Britney! best gila. tapi aku still rasa bosan. so tidur la. pukul 2 baru bangun. produktif sangat.

fear of the unknown. result finals. macam mana la nak hadapi? i know i can do BLS. i want to. Ya Allah, tolong lah berikan ku kesenangan untuk pergi ke BLS. amin.

plus, kesian kakak aku. kerja bagai nak rak. but i know it worth the sweats. so Along. relax la ya. banyak-banyak sabar. nanti saya belikan Baskin Robin tapi awak bayar. :)))

moral:we are on our own.