effing depressed. just got my result for my test. hell its no good. f f f f f f. all i think about right now is how awful i am in the class. why cant i be serious? i know its just english but its hard. conceptual. f f f f f f. i wish that i could turn back time and not miss those two class. and yeah. its my first time seeing a lecturer snapped out. another hell in a day. but its a blessing when it comes to presentation. luckily the lecturer didn't snapped on the class. i'm just too playful i guess. this is one part of myself that i despise. for not able to be serious when the time comes. :(

why and what?

you don't always get what you want. sometimes you don't even get what you need. for you who cross over this situation. take a step back. look at the bigger picture in your life and start asking these questions to yourself. why and how. maybe these won't help you much but at least when you see things from the other perspectives you might have an idea or plans that you can work out on.

why? why am i ugly? why am i too thin? too fat? single? dumped? my broadband is not working? why do i have cellulite? stretch marks? why in this time of life, at this age, do i have to deal with crap like this? when you start asking yourself why, you'll reflect your life back. criticizing yourself instead of feeling fine all the time. some people are just too arrogant to admit their weaknesses. i find that when you can admit your own flaws, you'll grow as a person. almost perfect. almost. getting there -the comfortable zone that you dream about- is not easy. you have to polish yourself so you'll be a better person. your flaw is something you should be proud of, it shapes who you are as a person. so take an action over your weaknesses. deal with it. accept it. that maybe you'll have a better life not now maybe soon. like a husband anticipating his wife to get pregnant asap, he would be heart broken if that belly did not pop. so relax. work hard for the life that you want.

since you have stab yourself with the question of why, here comes the remedy, how? how do i become pretty? meaty? slim? in a relationship? get this cellulite and stretch mark go away? and not getting dumped all the time? this is where action take place. get yourself involve in this self discovery phase. where you get to know yourself better than ever. your true potential as a person. what can you actually do with your life. you might be someone you never expect. unknowingly, you'll find yourself passed over the stage of blip on the radar. the problem will go away when you stop dwelling and get yourself playing the role of "you" in your life.

thanks ash

for now. im happy. not all rainbow and sunshine but its not cloudy. warm. delight. i think the best cure for sadness is to let it out. don't lie to yourself. lying is like running away from the real reason why you're sad. you'll be dopey. you'll lost track. but when you face it and be cool with the fact that sometimes you don't always get what you want (in my case). you'll feel better. i'm 16 again! hahaha.

saya akan mati suatu hari nanti

mati itu pasti

why do you feel sad when you can be happy? you're not dead. so move on. im single because God is writing me the best love story. 3 quotes that shaked my day. i need to rejuvenate. to feel fresh again. i have got to shake all this messed up idea of how sad i am right now. being thankful is one of the ways. i need to discover new or if its not new, old but not regularly practiced view that helps me when im down. alternative ways help only for that particular time. when its over, the shadow starts to creep back. so i think by having a new shadow, creating new history would would enlighten this burden of sadness. so yeah. a new shadow. so start creating history dear.

when you're different. you have to face the fear of being lonely. people said that loneliness doesn't kill, it makes you stronger. yeah it doesn't kill you but it crawl back into your mind and tear down all your strength. so you need to be stronger than loneliness. i see my sister surviving loneliness with God by her side. i think im off the path. i need to get back on the path. though not pious but i guess something is better than nothing. only through experience i believe these strength would be obtained.

i don't have resolution but i have plans. plans. like a lot. i might be too ambitious this year. one never know he's true potential. so this year is a "challenge-year". to go against all odds. to achieve what i have not achieve all this while. like Becca said, "this year i must be happy, NO MATTER WHAT". simple but strong. very deep. thanks Becca. and alhamdulillah.

kehadapan INTAN EZZETY

my bebi girl. im so sorry. that i forgot to wish u on ur birthday! so happy birthday Intan Ezzety!! hope u had blast!! i know how it feels bila u didnt get the wish from ur peeps. i miss u so soo much. i am so sorry. rasa loser gila. satu hari ok i rasa serba salah. now im like planning my apologies when u get back here. for a start i googled a chocolate cake picture for u. :)**da la internet kat uitm ni yuckish gila. and i ambik gambar ayam yang i masak for my birthday so u get the glimpse of what im planning. macam babi kan? da sah2 la i masak2 untuk u kannnn.

lama rasanya aku angkuh kat dunia ni. banyak rezeki diberi. tapi tak bersyukur. family yang very loving, understanding friends and fiscally im blessed unlike other people. my life actually is blissful. cuma aku je yang buat sengsara. hahaha. macam biasa la. "you choose your own destiny". aku harap bila aku bersujud, akan hilang keangkuhan aku sedikit demi sedikit. terhakis. aminn

just got back from PENANG

it was a blast. blast blast blast. tapi kalau tak hujan. lagi best. right now im feeling down sebab berhujan for like 3days. haish. dah lah esok ada hal. mintak-mintak la boleh bangun. well. aku ingatkan nak buat macam review la kan. sebab rajin gila ambik gambar makanan-makanan yg buat aku buang air besar sampai 4 kali sehari. bukan cirit yeah. tapi memang yang sihat punya. yeaaaa. nanti la buat "FOOD REVIEW" tu. malam ni nak rehat. tapi gambar kat facebook nak upload malam ni jugek.