command.

when life's a bitch. be a pimp. no matter how positive you are, a bitch will always be around the corner, staring at you, bugging you and whatever a bitch can do. so be a pimp. show her how you fuck.

fuck the bitch!!

being happy is a habit.

Alhamdulillah. thanks Allah for giving me the chance to fall back on You. all the time. i am indeed very happy right now. the desire to be happy is so high. i now know what is happiness for me right now at this moment. its the smile and hope of my loved one that shall be fulfilled.

i simply can't stop seeking for more chances to make my loved ones proud of me. after my father passed away, we, the family, are so full with activities. activities on our own. inspiring each of us to be better than before. he left us with so many memories and lessons.

i just finished my routine. classes and couple of hours of workout. feel good. cant wait to fill my Thursday with activities. so that before i sleep i can reminisce the day, smiling and be happy.

happiness is the most addictive feeling in the world. opt to not be sad. life is too short for us to dwell on losses. be sad for 2 minutes and make the rest of the day a happy day. n yeah, start your morning with a smile. a smile makes a sunshine day. hehehe.

more to come i think. hehe

love u Abah. Al-Fatihah

aku bersyukur sangat aku x kerja kat luar. ash pernah cakap blessing in disguihinse.yea the right phrase for yesterday. 21st august 2011. i am very thankful for having such a loving and encouraging mother.one person who never fails to make up for my flaws.she's always there and a very patient person for my flaws are mind fucking flaws.i wish of a life where i can make her the happiest person on earth. dead or alive. she has always been by my side through my thick and thin and she made my dreams come true. i wish of every past that i'd hurt her to be fix. making her the mother with no worries.but imperfections shape us as a mother and son.i thought staying home would wreck her mind but she was sobbing for the thought that i have in my mind. a happy sob.

a good year for me. love u mak.alhamdulillah. thanks for 2011.

this negative energy im feeling from u makes me sad my dear friend.

i love u too much that i cant hold myself anymore. so i have to let it out here since i know u'll notice that i've updated my blog after a while. u listening to Britney is funny and i know something is wrong.

never ever cross my mind that u're not fit in my circle of friend. everybody is special in their own way. for now i think most of u have found their self. we love ourselves. u might not realize it but all of us work hard on our own to achieve what we are so proud of right now. might be to comfy for now but it is sufficient. there's more to come and we certainly cant be dwelling over the same thing as there's just too much to think about. what im doing right now is to dwell for a second and get my ass on it as fast as i can. just like what ashie always told me. god i miss him right now.

just because ure a lil bit bigger than any of us doesnt make u not deserving a spot in our life. there is no such thing as spot or a place in our life. if u were to open ur eyes big enough, u would see how many people we have let them to enter our life and with destiny, ure stuck with us.

so please, dont be sad. i love u so much dear friend. u're so close to me. i cant help myself seeing u gloomy all night long.

n u need to be patient. remember what we have always told u?u have to take one step at a time. all of us have been tip toeing ourselves to our own journey. shortcuts doesnt help. it break us down even harder. please. be patient. u need it. endurance. i need u to have it for urself. u dont need it for others. for others to be impressed with u. no. u need it for urself.

with all my heart. i love u bitch

effing depressed. just got my result for my test. hell its no good. f f f f f f. all i think about right now is how awful i am in the class. why cant i be serious? i know its just english but its hard. conceptual. f f f f f f. i wish that i could turn back time and not miss those two class. and yeah. its my first time seeing a lecturer snapped out. another hell in a day. but its a blessing when it comes to presentation. luckily the lecturer didn't snapped on the class. i'm just too playful i guess. this is one part of myself that i despise. for not able to be serious when the time comes. :(

why and what?

you don't always get what you want. sometimes you don't even get what you need. for you who cross over this situation. take a step back. look at the bigger picture in your life and start asking these questions to yourself. why and how. maybe these won't help you much but at least when you see things from the other perspectives you might have an idea or plans that you can work out on.

why? why am i ugly? why am i too thin? too fat? single? dumped? my broadband is not working? why do i have cellulite? stretch marks? why in this time of life, at this age, do i have to deal with crap like this? when you start asking yourself why, you'll reflect your life back. criticizing yourself instead of feeling fine all the time. some people are just too arrogant to admit their weaknesses. i find that when you can admit your own flaws, you'll grow as a person. almost perfect. almost. getting there -the comfortable zone that you dream about- is not easy. you have to polish yourself so you'll be a better person. your flaw is something you should be proud of, it shapes who you are as a person. so take an action over your weaknesses. deal with it. accept it. that maybe you'll have a better life not now maybe soon. like a husband anticipating his wife to get pregnant asap, he would be heart broken if that belly did not pop. so relax. work hard for the life that you want.

since you have stab yourself with the question of why, here comes the remedy, how? how do i become pretty? meaty? slim? in a relationship? get this cellulite and stretch mark go away? and not getting dumped all the time? this is where action take place. get yourself involve in this self discovery phase. where you get to know yourself better than ever. your true potential as a person. what can you actually do with your life. you might be someone you never expect. unknowingly, you'll find yourself passed over the stage of blip on the radar. the problem will go away when you stop dwelling and get yourself playing the role of "you" in your life.

thanks ash

for now. im happy. not all rainbow and sunshine but its not cloudy. warm. delight. i think the best cure for sadness is to let it out. don't lie to yourself. lying is like running away from the real reason why you're sad. you'll be dopey. you'll lost track. but when you face it and be cool with the fact that sometimes you don't always get what you want (in my case). you'll feel better. i'm 16 again! hahaha.

saya akan mati suatu hari nanti

mati itu pasti

why do you feel sad when you can be happy? you're not dead. so move on. im single because God is writing me the best love story. 3 quotes that shaked my day. i need to rejuvenate. to feel fresh again. i have got to shake all this messed up idea of how sad i am right now. being thankful is one of the ways. i need to discover new or if its not new, old but not regularly practiced view that helps me when im down. alternative ways help only for that particular time. when its over, the shadow starts to creep back. so i think by having a new shadow, creating new history would would enlighten this burden of sadness. so yeah. a new shadow. so start creating history dear.

when you're different. you have to face the fear of being lonely. people said that loneliness doesn't kill, it makes you stronger. yeah it doesn't kill you but it crawl back into your mind and tear down all your strength. so you need to be stronger than loneliness. i see my sister surviving loneliness with God by her side. i think im off the path. i need to get back on the path. though not pious but i guess something is better than nothing. only through experience i believe these strength would be obtained.

i don't have resolution but i have plans. plans. like a lot. i might be too ambitious this year. one never know he's true potential. so this year is a "challenge-year". to go against all odds. to achieve what i have not achieve all this while. like Becca said, "this year i must be happy, NO MATTER WHAT". simple but strong. very deep. thanks Becca. and alhamdulillah.

kehadapan INTAN EZZETY

my bebi girl. im so sorry. that i forgot to wish u on ur birthday! so happy birthday Intan Ezzety!! hope u had blast!! i know how it feels bila u didnt get the wish from ur peeps. i miss u so soo much. i am so sorry. rasa loser gila. satu hari ok i rasa serba salah. now im like planning my apologies when u get back here. for a start i googled a chocolate cake picture for u. :)**da la internet kat uitm ni yuckish gila. and i ambik gambar ayam yang i masak for my birthday so u get the glimpse of what im planning. macam babi kan? da sah2 la i masak2 untuk u kannnn.

lama rasanya aku angkuh kat dunia ni. banyak rezeki diberi. tapi tak bersyukur. family yang very loving, understanding friends and fiscally im blessed unlike other people. my life actually is blissful. cuma aku je yang buat sengsara. hahaha. macam biasa la. "you choose your own destiny". aku harap bila aku bersujud, akan hilang keangkuhan aku sedikit demi sedikit. terhakis. aminn

just got back from PENANG

it was a blast. blast blast blast. tapi kalau tak hujan. lagi best. right now im feeling down sebab berhujan for like 3days. haish. dah lah esok ada hal. mintak-mintak la boleh bangun. well. aku ingatkan nak buat macam review la kan. sebab rajin gila ambik gambar makanan-makanan yg buat aku buang air besar sampai 4 kali sehari. bukan cirit yeah. tapi memang yang sihat punya. yeaaaa. nanti la buat "FOOD REVIEW" tu. malam ni nak rehat. tapi gambar kat facebook nak upload malam ni jugek.

speechless. all i talk about is feelings. sial. dah tak ada benda lain nak cakap. ada je cerita lain. but i emphasize too much on love issues. guess when it happened to me, i just cant stop talking about it. karma....

i stumbled upon this quote "our hearts are drunk with beauty that our eyes could never see" by George W. Russell. i love this quote. its like Hero by Mariah Carey.not exactly like Mariah but it make sense by comparing these two.

i bet everyone has this peculiar moment where they feel ugly or anything that pulls you down, especially physical traits. i know how it feels. mockery, rejections, swirling eyes and all that shit that doesnt make sense in Oprah world.

i like that quote because i find it true. the more you stop thinking about other people's beauty and envying it, the more you will see your very own beauty. i believe that everyone is beautiful and my belief here might sounds like im being hypocrite but the only thing that makes you look ugly is you attitude.

if you have this attitude that says you are ugly, you are ugly then. you need to shape your attitude. tell yourself that you are not ugly. like me, i would say "im not ugly but not yet handsome" so that gives me a good reason why i should jog, lift up weigh, control my diet because beauty is health. its a trend now. i was thinking of bringing a bike to Shah Alam later.

cross out ugly issue, attitude and now health. i say health is very important because it build up who you are outside. at this early age, this is where we can shape our lifestyles. we have time now, we dont even need to work for money. we are at our best before we face the bosses, the traffic and the loans. so start it now, start your diet now. shape your life from now. i always tell my friends that "this is our only time that we can be at our best" and i have faith in my sayings.

so friends. shape your attitudes and work for your flaws.

hey

hey. i had a very pleasant day. went for hi tea with tha boys, wawa and umie. so far all i can say im having fun. occupying myself with people. making myself frenzy may sounds weak. but loneliness dont kill. it'll make you stronger. deep inside anyone's heart who got broken-hearted is filled with emptiness. like almost all of my recent post that i have been talking about heartache and pain. but i find it amusing how we can actually decide what we will be, as we actually control everything and yet we cant control our feelings. thats how complicated our emotions can be. we can adjust it to something else but if we cant get over something, we cant get over it. its true. i used to be the guy who pep talked all my friends that relationship is nothing. but once it slaps me. i know i cant go through it alone. so i find my 6th of Dec to be something blessfull. companions. i love. if i can go through this by learning things that i have to learn by facing it, i know i can nail my future.

what's ahead boy? work, family, fiscal, relationship, friends, traffic, morning, weekends, party, sleepless night and the list goes on and on and on. i can cross out some of the things right now if i learn and keep learning.

hugs and french kisses.

happy birthday!!

happy birthday to Najwa Arifah Ismail! i love u to bits baby girl:))

guess you are the lonely one

hmm. sometimes. i yearn for those 3words to be said to me. last time, i think, without such word, i'm gonna be lonely. but you know what kawan-kawan? there's so many kind of love out there that you can take and fill it into your heart that you wont feel lonely. undeniable fact that in the end you still want to have such feelings that can be best interpreted by R&J, Romeo and Juliet. but hey, i am still living and definitely not looking for anyone. once i start looking, every wall that i build is useless. so yeah its stupid. i rather focus on things that i can hold and build. like new friendship, old too. and of course, existing love from family and friends.

waiting for one person that can crush your wall and dominate your heart is tiring.

another 9 days.

be realistic. reality is the best movers. so be honest to yourself and face the reality so it moves you. so you wont stand still at the same spot.

you cant dwell about your reality all the time. face it. work it out. if its a problem. sounds simple. but nothing is easy in this life. standing 12 hours straight everyday, i tell myself to give up everyday but bitch, you want many things in life and RM10 wont be enough to cater everything. i dont even have 10 bucks. face it Qayyum. you want things. so work it out. another 9days. an oven in a month! less fat less calorie.

berangan

hahaha. aku baru dapat this one job. start 19hb. i'll be stationed at KL Sentral. so with the gaji yang dia orang offer. aku selalu la berangan nak beli apa. yang penting bayar hutang dulu. ahaaaa. menyesal la pulak berhutang. tak banyak mana pun. tapi still lah kan. hutang. okay. mula-mula ingat nak Blackberry. tapi bila fikir balik. bukan nya aku nak sangat pun. mesti macam menyesal beli sebab aku da puas hati dengan Samsung aku sekarang. fikir punya fikir. aku nak beli OVEN! yes. OVEN. nak eja jap . O.V.E.N. Ya Allah. bestnya kalau aku dapat oven sendiri. tak payah nak share dengan mak. kesian oven dia bau ayam bagai. kalau aku dapat oven tu. brand Faber pun jadi la. for a start kan. macam orang lain beli kamera. aku beli oven. ahahaha. comel pulak aku rasa. boleh bakar macam-macam. dah la aku ada banyak benda nak bakar. nak masak. tapi tak pernah dapat buat betul-betul sebab mak tak kasi guna oven dia. nanti nak buat kuih macam mana la pulak kan. kita orang kan buat semperit so nanti semmperit mesti bau ayam bagai. kesian la. yes. OVEN. orgasma kejap aku fikir sal oven ni. memang aku senyum sorang-sorang kan bila terfikir pasal oven ni. hahahaha. macam haram eh perangai. OVEN OVEN OVEN OVEN. aminnn

preface

a preface to a new chapter in my life.

i cant get this out form my system. all i think about is you. but hey, i have a dream. where i want to move on and be happy. i dream of fine day that i will not think about you. but i know that it is impossible as you leave me an ugly scar.

so i got to find a way to shut this misery. i have to find reasons. reasons why i exist in this world. reasons to live. i am not living for you anymore. i am living for myself who i hardly know, for my family who cherish me with their love, for my ambition that keeps me going and for my dreams that keeps me dreaming of life.

so much pain you have caused. so much suffering. i dream of fine day when i can smile again as if there is no black clouds at all. just like how i used to be. jolly, happy and jumping around. feeling me, feeling fresh, feeling real and composed. knowing that i have the power against the ground that i am stepping on. breathing the fresh air that is filled with world's reality. not fantasy. knowing that i am actually breathing for my own sake. not for something that i cant touch and feel anymore as you are invisible.

you stab me everytime i try to smile, you mock me everytime i try to think and you loath me everytime i try to talk. to be happy now is like a sin.

i am done. crying for for you. you are not worth my eyes. i now will decide how i want my life to be. i have dreams and i rather be chasing things that can be reality unlike you that will leave me astray and hanging.

forever and always

forever and always. i wish i could say this phrase to u. tapi tak ada rezeki. you have your own way of seeing things. maybe the age factor gives you more exposure. unlike me yang baru nak kenal dunia and when you act like you are the best couch to land on, act je, aku misunderstood. yelah. susah nak kenal hati budi orang in a split second. semua orang kat dunia ini ada agenda sendiri sedar tak sedar. maybe it was just the phase of loneliness. i was yearning for some attention. you know what i mean. when we are in despair, all we have is ourselves. you can trust no one but your self. credits to layla for these words. nasib baik aku jumpa kau. an eye opener. aku tak sangka yang aku akan fall in that trap. sometimes i wonder why do you gave me all the signals? maybe you cant foresee what happen next kan? so you know what, i am moving on. i always told my friends that when you had your heart broken, lagi-lagi first love, move on, cari orang baru or jadi single je and know yourself better sampai kau ready and just keep that special someone in your heart as a special person. nothing more than that because what's the point of holding to something that you cant hold? tapi bila kena dekat muka sendiri memang dumbstruck. terpinga-pinga. clueless. dopey. jadi bodoh. haish. so now, im dwelling upon my words and digesting it. insya Allah aku okay. lagi pun aku dah mula meluat fikir pasal kau. hahaha. tergelak pun ada. dulu cakap "i will never hate you cus i never felt this way" tapi sekarang dah lain pulak.

enough with that shit.

ouh yeah. sekarang ni dah ada macam "ritual" bila melepak dengan sahabat-sahabat saya. ahahaha. memang macam sial. say grace. tho its not in my norm, but we make it like our friendship symbol. lagi-lagi bila berempat. like afiq, aku pun lupa jugak nak cakap apa time tu, so blogging pun cute what. ahaha. of course im thankful to God for meeting us up. for my health and everything. but thanks to Ash for being there throughout the whole time, you are indeed a friend, true friend. ada saja benda nak buat. things to spice up. make it more us. ahaha. aku kadang-kadang tak larat nak melayan kepala gila kau. tapi kalau tak layan tak best pulak. macam left out. ahaha. Zack. aku rasa dalam banyak kawan, maybe ye. maybe. kau la yang paling aku sayang. sebab bila jumpa. kalau tak gaduh, macam pelik. tapi tak pernah nak putus kawan ke apa ke. you have always been there for me. in any way pun and you know what i mean here. you are my therapy. lega bila jumpa kau especially bila kepala kusut. mesti bawak aku melalak. pastu marah-marah aku nyanyi lagu britney. cilaka. love you sis. and Afiq, aku terkejut okay yang kau ada banyak benda in common dengan aku. your birthday, your life, what you like to eat, what you like think. maybe thats why we can click instantly. you know that i am always here to be your shoulder to cry on. i will try my best to help you to be the better you but bear in mind that you can trust no one but yourself. put your guards as to not letting people come in that easy. love

adios.