effing depressed. just got my result for my test. hell its no good. f f f f f f. all i think about right now is how awful i am in the class. why cant i be serious? i know its just english but its hard. conceptual. f f f f f f. i wish that i could turn back time and not miss those two class. and yeah. its my first time seeing a lecturer snapped out. another hell in a day. but its a blessing when it comes to presentation. luckily the lecturer didn't snapped on the class. i'm just too playful i guess. this is one part of myself that i despise. for not able to be serious when the time comes. :(

why and what?

you don't always get what you want. sometimes you don't even get what you need. for you who cross over this situation. take a step back. look at the bigger picture in your life and start asking these questions to yourself. why and how. maybe these won't help you much but at least when you see things from the other perspectives you might have an idea or plans that you can work out on.

why? why am i ugly? why am i too thin? too fat? single? dumped? my broadband is not working? why do i have cellulite? stretch marks? why in this time of life, at this age, do i have to deal with crap like this? when you start asking yourself why, you'll reflect your life back. criticizing yourself instead of feeling fine all the time. some people are just too arrogant to admit their weaknesses. i find that when you can admit your own flaws, you'll grow as a person. almost perfect. almost. getting there -the comfortable zone that you dream about- is not easy. you have to polish yourself so you'll be a better person. your flaw is something you should be proud of, it shapes who you are as a person. so take an action over your weaknesses. deal with it. accept it. that maybe you'll have a better life not now maybe soon. like a husband anticipating his wife to get pregnant asap, he would be heart broken if that belly did not pop. so relax. work hard for the life that you want.

since you have stab yourself with the question of why, here comes the remedy, how? how do i become pretty? meaty? slim? in a relationship? get this cellulite and stretch mark go away? and not getting dumped all the time? this is where action take place. get yourself involve in this self discovery phase. where you get to know yourself better than ever. your true potential as a person. what can you actually do with your life. you might be someone you never expect. unknowingly, you'll find yourself passed over the stage of blip on the radar. the problem will go away when you stop dwelling and get yourself playing the role of "you" in your life.

thanks ash

for now. im happy. not all rainbow and sunshine but its not cloudy. warm. delight. i think the best cure for sadness is to let it out. don't lie to yourself. lying is like running away from the real reason why you're sad. you'll be dopey. you'll lost track. but when you face it and be cool with the fact that sometimes you don't always get what you want (in my case). you'll feel better. i'm 16 again! hahaha.