lama rasanya aku angkuh kat dunia ni. banyak rezeki diberi. tapi tak bersyukur. family yang very loving, understanding friends and fiscally im blessed unlike other people. my life actually is blissful. cuma aku je yang buat sengsara. hahaha. macam biasa la. "you choose your own destiny". aku harap bila aku bersujud, akan hilang keangkuhan aku sedikit demi sedikit. terhakis. aminn

just got back from PENANG

it was a blast. blast blast blast. tapi kalau tak hujan. lagi best. right now im feeling down sebab berhujan for like 3days. haish. dah lah esok ada hal. mintak-mintak la boleh bangun. well. aku ingatkan nak buat macam review la kan. sebab rajin gila ambik gambar makanan-makanan yg buat aku buang air besar sampai 4 kali sehari. bukan cirit yeah. tapi memang yang sihat punya. yeaaaa. nanti la buat "FOOD REVIEW" tu. malam ni nak rehat. tapi gambar kat facebook nak upload malam ni jugek.

speechless. all i talk about is feelings. sial. dah tak ada benda lain nak cakap. ada je cerita lain. but i emphasize too much on love issues. guess when it happened to me, i just cant stop talking about it. karma....

i stumbled upon this quote "our hearts are drunk with beauty that our eyes could never see" by George W. Russell. i love this quote. its like Hero by Mariah Carey.not exactly like Mariah but it make sense by comparing these two.

i bet everyone has this peculiar moment where they feel ugly or anything that pulls you down, especially physical traits. i know how it feels. mockery, rejections, swirling eyes and all that shit that doesnt make sense in Oprah world.

i like that quote because i find it true. the more you stop thinking about other people's beauty and envying it, the more you will see your very own beauty. i believe that everyone is beautiful and my belief here might sounds like im being hypocrite but the only thing that makes you look ugly is you attitude.

if you have this attitude that says you are ugly, you are ugly then. you need to shape your attitude. tell yourself that you are not ugly. like me, i would say "im not ugly but not yet handsome" so that gives me a good reason why i should jog, lift up weigh, control my diet because beauty is health. its a trend now. i was thinking of bringing a bike to Shah Alam later.

cross out ugly issue, attitude and now health. i say health is very important because it build up who you are outside. at this early age, this is where we can shape our lifestyles. we have time now, we dont even need to work for money. we are at our best before we face the bosses, the traffic and the loans. so start it now, start your diet now. shape your life from now. i always tell my friends that "this is our only time that we can be at our best" and i have faith in my sayings.

so friends. shape your attitudes and work for your flaws.

hey

hey. i had a very pleasant day. went for hi tea with tha boys, wawa and umie. so far all i can say im having fun. occupying myself with people. making myself frenzy may sounds weak. but loneliness dont kill. it'll make you stronger. deep inside anyone's heart who got broken-hearted is filled with emptiness. like almost all of my recent post that i have been talking about heartache and pain. but i find it amusing how we can actually decide what we will be, as we actually control everything and yet we cant control our feelings. thats how complicated our emotions can be. we can adjust it to something else but if we cant get over something, we cant get over it. its true. i used to be the guy who pep talked all my friends that relationship is nothing. but once it slaps me. i know i cant go through it alone. so i find my 6th of Dec to be something blessfull. companions. i love. if i can go through this by learning things that i have to learn by facing it, i know i can nail my future.

what's ahead boy? work, family, fiscal, relationship, friends, traffic, morning, weekends, party, sleepless night and the list goes on and on and on. i can cross out some of the things right now if i learn and keep learning.

hugs and french kisses.

happy birthday!!

happy birthday to Najwa Arifah Ismail! i love u to bits baby girl:))

guess you are the lonely one

hmm. sometimes. i yearn for those 3words to be said to me. last time, i think, without such word, i'm gonna be lonely. but you know what kawan-kawan? there's so many kind of love out there that you can take and fill it into your heart that you wont feel lonely. undeniable fact that in the end you still want to have such feelings that can be best interpreted by R&J, Romeo and Juliet. but hey, i am still living and definitely not looking for anyone. once i start looking, every wall that i build is useless. so yeah its stupid. i rather focus on things that i can hold and build. like new friendship, old too. and of course, existing love from family and friends.

waiting for one person that can crush your wall and dominate your heart is tiring.

another 9 days.

be realistic. reality is the best movers. so be honest to yourself and face the reality so it moves you. so you wont stand still at the same spot.

you cant dwell about your reality all the time. face it. work it out. if its a problem. sounds simple. but nothing is easy in this life. standing 12 hours straight everyday, i tell myself to give up everyday but bitch, you want many things in life and RM10 wont be enough to cater everything. i dont even have 10 bucks. face it Qayyum. you want things. so work it out. another 9days. an oven in a month! less fat less calorie.

berangan

hahaha. aku baru dapat this one job. start 19hb. i'll be stationed at KL Sentral. so with the gaji yang dia orang offer. aku selalu la berangan nak beli apa. yang penting bayar hutang dulu. ahaaaa. menyesal la pulak berhutang. tak banyak mana pun. tapi still lah kan. hutang. okay. mula-mula ingat nak Blackberry. tapi bila fikir balik. bukan nya aku nak sangat pun. mesti macam menyesal beli sebab aku da puas hati dengan Samsung aku sekarang. fikir punya fikir. aku nak beli OVEN! yes. OVEN. nak eja jap . O.V.E.N. Ya Allah. bestnya kalau aku dapat oven sendiri. tak payah nak share dengan mak. kesian oven dia bau ayam bagai. kalau aku dapat oven tu. brand Faber pun jadi la. for a start kan. macam orang lain beli kamera. aku beli oven. ahahaha. comel pulak aku rasa. boleh bakar macam-macam. dah la aku ada banyak benda nak bakar. nak masak. tapi tak pernah dapat buat betul-betul sebab mak tak kasi guna oven dia. nanti nak buat kuih macam mana la pulak kan. kita orang kan buat semperit so nanti semmperit mesti bau ayam bagai. kesian la. yes. OVEN. orgasma kejap aku fikir sal oven ni. memang aku senyum sorang-sorang kan bila terfikir pasal oven ni. hahahaha. macam haram eh perangai. OVEN OVEN OVEN OVEN. aminnn

preface

a preface to a new chapter in my life.

i cant get this out form my system. all i think about is you. but hey, i have a dream. where i want to move on and be happy. i dream of fine day that i will not think about you. but i know that it is impossible as you leave me an ugly scar.

so i got to find a way to shut this misery. i have to find reasons. reasons why i exist in this world. reasons to live. i am not living for you anymore. i am living for myself who i hardly know, for my family who cherish me with their love, for my ambition that keeps me going and for my dreams that keeps me dreaming of life.

so much pain you have caused. so much suffering. i dream of fine day when i can smile again as if there is no black clouds at all. just like how i used to be. jolly, happy and jumping around. feeling me, feeling fresh, feeling real and composed. knowing that i have the power against the ground that i am stepping on. breathing the fresh air that is filled with world's reality. not fantasy. knowing that i am actually breathing for my own sake. not for something that i cant touch and feel anymore as you are invisible.

you stab me everytime i try to smile, you mock me everytime i try to think and you loath me everytime i try to talk. to be happy now is like a sin.

i am done. crying for for you. you are not worth my eyes. i now will decide how i want my life to be. i have dreams and i rather be chasing things that can be reality unlike you that will leave me astray and hanging.

forever and always

forever and always. i wish i could say this phrase to u. tapi tak ada rezeki. you have your own way of seeing things. maybe the age factor gives you more exposure. unlike me yang baru nak kenal dunia and when you act like you are the best couch to land on, act je, aku misunderstood. yelah. susah nak kenal hati budi orang in a split second. semua orang kat dunia ini ada agenda sendiri sedar tak sedar. maybe it was just the phase of loneliness. i was yearning for some attention. you know what i mean. when we are in despair, all we have is ourselves. you can trust no one but your self. credits to layla for these words. nasib baik aku jumpa kau. an eye opener. aku tak sangka yang aku akan fall in that trap. sometimes i wonder why do you gave me all the signals? maybe you cant foresee what happen next kan? so you know what, i am moving on. i always told my friends that when you had your heart broken, lagi-lagi first love, move on, cari orang baru or jadi single je and know yourself better sampai kau ready and just keep that special someone in your heart as a special person. nothing more than that because what's the point of holding to something that you cant hold? tapi bila kena dekat muka sendiri memang dumbstruck. terpinga-pinga. clueless. dopey. jadi bodoh. haish. so now, im dwelling upon my words and digesting it. insya Allah aku okay. lagi pun aku dah mula meluat fikir pasal kau. hahaha. tergelak pun ada. dulu cakap "i will never hate you cus i never felt this way" tapi sekarang dah lain pulak.

enough with that shit.

ouh yeah. sekarang ni dah ada macam "ritual" bila melepak dengan sahabat-sahabat saya. ahahaha. memang macam sial. say grace. tho its not in my norm, but we make it like our friendship symbol. lagi-lagi bila berempat. like afiq, aku pun lupa jugak nak cakap apa time tu, so blogging pun cute what. ahaha. of course im thankful to God for meeting us up. for my health and everything. but thanks to Ash for being there throughout the whole time, you are indeed a friend, true friend. ada saja benda nak buat. things to spice up. make it more us. ahaha. aku kadang-kadang tak larat nak melayan kepala gila kau. tapi kalau tak layan tak best pulak. macam left out. ahaha. Zack. aku rasa dalam banyak kawan, maybe ye. maybe. kau la yang paling aku sayang. sebab bila jumpa. kalau tak gaduh, macam pelik. tapi tak pernah nak putus kawan ke apa ke. you have always been there for me. in any way pun and you know what i mean here. you are my therapy. lega bila jumpa kau especially bila kepala kusut. mesti bawak aku melalak. pastu marah-marah aku nyanyi lagu britney. cilaka. love you sis. and Afiq, aku terkejut okay yang kau ada banyak benda in common dengan aku. your birthday, your life, what you like to eat, what you like think. maybe thats why we can click instantly. you know that i am always here to be your shoulder to cry on. i will try my best to help you to be the better you but bear in mind that you can trust no one but yourself. put your guards as to not letting people come in that easy. love

adios.

frankly from my heart

x suka la gaduh gaduh ni. tapi kalau tak gaduh tak sayang. so yeah. susah kan bila sayang sangat sampai tak nak bagitau the truth that might hurt the people we love. yes. honesty is the best policy. tapi ada sebab the term white lies wujud. i know most of the time you wouldn't dare to tell it straight into my face but i can tell how exactly you're feeling. so most of the time you would be dwelling about my lifestyle that is so busuk in your eyes but same goes to me, i see the same things too. how you live your life. so i understand. but one thing for sure is that why in the world would you be mad just because you were lonely and i was having fun in my own way? you despise my way. you hate it. loath it. i rarely jumped off when you become picky, diva-ish and some other attitudes that i cant describe with words. so relax la babe. nak pulak kau ikut kitorang. mesti kau akan ajak pergi tempat lain yang aku dengan kawan-kawan aku takkan enjoy. aku penat sangat dengan perangai kau.

as much as i want u

as much as i want u, i know that it is impossible.

it is impossible when the game that we are playing is not easy.

first come look. when people say first impression is important. hell yeah it is important for us.

then the conversation comes. no matter how cool you are, you are giving me hard time to burst like a firework.

damn you are nice. the brother from the hood call bad ass like you, superrrr fine. cheers.

but in the end, it is what the skin decide. if i am blessed, if and only if.

:((((((

life is about choices

this would be my 2nd time writing an SPM essay with the same title. :D

oh yes. i am comfortable with myself now. i know what i want. when i want. who i want. its all crystal clear now. i can see myself becoming who i should be without jeopardizing who i want be. it is what Sue from the Shoes Store told me. as long as you can juggle everything, you can have what you want. as long as you stick with your principle and amend your wants, so that it suits your need. so yeah. you can have it all. writing this thing at such early age, i might not have all perspective that a 50 years old man has but one thing for sure, i know the best thing for me now.

sinful joys is indeed a sin. its a mistake. its the wrong choice, pick, selection, step, road, but in the end, it is still one of the options available. when you got stuck in everything in between, you are forced to choose. to choose the right thing. with this mind writing this post, it is inevitable for me to make mistake. dear friends, let loose and make mistake as for this age, with little knowledge, mistake is our best teacher. learn from it. not learning is stupid. i am not pious but i still have views. i know what is right and wrong.

one thing that ponders me upon mistake-teacher is that why do we keep repeating such thing? we learned from our mistake but it seems like it just doesn't stick with our heart. the glue that binds a teacher and his students would be love. not like typical the typical three words. but love. you know that love can exist in many ways. so i am saying that we have to love our mistake that we take as our lesson so that it sticks with us. no matter how many pep talks, advices, lectures or anything like it, if you do not love your lesson, you might as well tell the your friend, family or any random people that their advices are not working.

so love, i hope you will learn your lesson in your own way. to become the middle man in your life is a heartache. you get everything you want. you even got the best mistake one could have right now. i guess there is just no love between you and your lesson? i love u love but i think for now, i can't afford to bug you anymore. one thing for sure, you will hear the same old thing from me and you don't love it at all.

you can live without us. i know you can. we will let you go and pull you back in when we are ready again.

walk walk walk

walk this road with me.

eheh?

geli kan?

hahahah. 10/10/10. what u cute date. hari ni rasa macam nak tidur je. lenguh-lenguh. ahad memang macam ni ke? semua emosi? just got back from Iffah's. had nasi kerabu, laksam, popia otak-otak. hebat kan? sedap sangat. nasib baik aku datang. dapat la makan makanan yang agak lama aku tak makan sebab kat Kuantan dulu. it's everywhere. kat sini ada je. tapi nak beli malas gila.

melepak la dengan si Setan Ashrul, Amir Fiq, Angie. kesian Amir Fiq kena bahan. hahaha.

esok dah kerja. haish. malas pun ada. tapi nak duduk rumah membesarkan badan rasa serba salah pulak kat jeans yg aku baru beli kat bundle hari tu. kang tak muat buat sedih je. so kerja lah ye Qayyum.

asyik teringat je kat dia. am i in love? haha. gedik. tiba-tiba je kan.

PARTY

seronot sangat hari ni. went for karaoke with the girls. including Zakwan yang sangat Zee. jalan-jalan Pyramid sampai rasa nak pergi ATM machine, beli shorts butttttt, sekarang kan nak berjimat. nak buat business. ahaha. business. yes. hebat bunyi dia kan?

well. masa lepak dengan Ash semalam. di Bangi Kopitiam Setiawangsa. while temankan Datin Ren, aka kakak ku. kitorang borak-borak la. then suddenly he came out with this idea of becoming a party planner! well. aku memang suka busy-busy kan diri aku dengan hal orang lain. lagi-lagi kalau ada banyak camera. ahahaha. so kitorang pun berbincang lah apa la kan. so far, dah dapat dua function, dua-dua close friend and family. i hope this thing will work out well.

because;

i like pressure ; it keeps me away from dwelling about my problems.

i like happy faces ; this is like the end of every function, muka-muka happy+puas hati. siapa tak suka?

i love party ; nak saja aku berpesta sepanjang masa. ahahaha

so kalau ada yang nak buat event ke, makan-makan ke. you can PM me on my FB, Qayyum Iskandar Sulaiman or yang ada contact number tu, call terus. me and ash can share some ideas and if you like, we can prepare few suggestion for you. :) semangat tak? nangis ramai-ramai jom

blah la kau. nyah kau dari dunia ni! ahahaha

*sambil menarik nafas lega*. tak lega lagi. bahu aku sakit. nak pergi jumpa wak rasidi macam fairy tale. malas betul nak beratur untuk urutan yang memang best dari jawa tua tu. so kena la bangun awal-awal esok pagi. hahahaha. macam boleh?

mula-mula cakap dengan Alice aku habis exam 8 hb. so kalau nak kerja pun start 11hb. tapi sekarang rasa menyesal sebab bosan dah mula masuk selimut aku. selimut aku dah tak best. tak ada keseronokan untuk baring di atas katil selama beberapa hari. i want some action. people! semalam aku rasa down gila lepas lepak dengan Wawa. nothing wrong with her. as usual, her companion is like the best thing could ever happened to me. so siapa yang tak dapat rugi sangat. okay. tiba-tiba cerita Wawa pulak. suppose aku lepak ngn kawan-kawan aku malam semalam. tapi semua macam haram. ada yang dump aku, ada yang malas nak keluar, ada yang tak dapat call langsung, ada yang nak pindah n etc. macam-macam la. aku pun melayan la internet. sempat jugak tengok Glee Britney! best gila. tapi aku still rasa bosan. so tidur la. pukul 2 baru bangun. produktif sangat.

fear of the unknown. result finals. macam mana la nak hadapi? i know i can do BLS. i want to. Ya Allah, tolong lah berikan ku kesenangan untuk pergi ke BLS. amin.

plus, kesian kakak aku. kerja bagai nak rak. but i know it worth the sweats. so Along. relax la ya. banyak-banyak sabar. nanti saya belikan Baskin Robin tapi awak bayar. :)))

moral:we are on our own.

its childish part 2

stupid. selfish. heart wrecking. bodoh sangat. why on Earth. your existance is a mistake. you ruined her life. now, she has to start all over again. hmm. nasib baik lah aku tak jumpa orang macam kau. bodoh sangat. one thing for sure, i'll make sure that you will never creep back into her life. leave her alone. she totally deserves someone better than you.

not to forget the other one. ini pun kes luar cantik. dalam bodoh. kosong. kalau betul kau sayang dia. you would at least listen to her. dah cukup bagus lah selama ni dia dengar pujuk rayu kau. biar dia hanging. melayan perangai kau yang meluat tu. perasan bagus. bodoh bodoh bodoh. kalau jumpa dia, listen to her. a very shocking explanation. aku pun terkejut. no wonder dia buat kau macam tu. we get it that it's not your fault and you deserve to do this. to end this. tapi untuk melepak bersama dan mengutuk dia. come'on. kau pun sama taraf. sekufu. sesuai lah duduk semeja makan nasi lemak.

ada telinga dengar. menyesal tak sudah nanti.

ohh yes

ohh yes. puas aku tahun ni. macam-macam jadi. *cakap macam dah masuk 2011* hahaha. raya yang tiba sangat menyeronokkan. bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi yang aku masih ada family and lovely friends. im gonna keep this up till forever. insya Allah.

ohh ya. macam-macam jadi. orang yang rapat tahu la apa yang jadi. sinful joys tu salah satu benda yang banyak ajar aku. haish. tapi benda dah lepas. so lepas ni aku tahu la apa nak buat.

i had fun tho seminggu terakhir puasa. duduk rumah je siang-siang. buat kuih raya. orang order. melimpah ruah kerja. hehehe. seronok kerja dengan Hanis. very hardworking.*feeling-feeling boss*. hehehe. kalau tak jadi lawyer memang jadi business man je lah aku. hahaha

pagi raya slow sikit. tak banyak benda. aku siap sempat update blog lagi. bilik dah kemas. rumah pun dah siap. kuih raya semua set. beg balik kampung pun dah nak siap. *malasnya kemas bag*

adios.

what a sweet surprise?!

its 31st August. had a pleasant weekend at home. lets cut the crap. the girls and boys known as 6+2+1 throw me a surprise birthday party!! how sweet is that?after 10 days. i was like "yeah, they might not celebrate it with me" but hey, it was such a sweet surprise. i told u girls and boys that i was expecting it and its not that much of a surprise but, that shows how bad i want it. hahahah. kesian gila kan. i miss all the old moment. i wish i hadn't screw anything but i cant turn back anthing kan? so lets just cherish those moments.

thank you so much to Najwa Arifah, Arif Aizuddin, Zakwan Anuar, Farim Shahnan, Qis Hakim, Sara Zen, Sharifah Alia, and Umie Idayu.

LALALOVE YOU PEOPLE TO BITS!

u just dont know when to stop

hey you. stop. you are in the wrong lane.use that road to turn back.go to the other side.

ohh. thanks for telling. i would have lost. thank you so much. hmm. since u mention. do you think that place is still open?

i think so. you better hurry. its 3:35 am. it might just shut in a while.

thanks dear.i better get going.i might miss the chance to have decent food.

yes. you better hurry. but be careful while driving. the road is not your best friend.

i will be careful. see you on the flip side! :)

i am copycatting FARIM SHAHNAN. so what?

hahaha. her recent post really made me feel uneasy. i want to make one too. kudos to Farim Shahnan for such inspiring post. lalalove!

the post is about telling things from your heart without confrontation. so more peace. here i go :

1. i still love you but i dont want to hurt you. you are precious and will always have a spot in my heart. who knows if its meant to be, it will be. insya Allah

2. you have so many things to say. so let it out. you are vague.

3. accept me the way i am please.

4. kau racun perosak. joy killer. u with ur brain. buzz off forever please.

5. thanks for everything. u guys mean half of the world to me. hahaha. the other part is for the other things.

6. rempit-rempit ku. i will always cherish our brotherhood.

7. i wish and pray that u will find the right guy. u deserve to be happy and have regular sex. hahahaha

8. love u to bits bitches. have always been there for me.

9. aku nak sepak tali bra kau setiap kali kau lalu dengan baju putih tu.

10. i am so sorry. i didnt mean to.

:P

epiphany and choice

i had so much fun on the 21st. dearest friends paid a visit. we laugh throughout the whole night and that night ends up with tragedy that change my life in a split second.

the title goes epiphany. credits to my lovely friend who thought me that word. sudden realization. for the past few weeks, many things happened to me. i become someone i want to be. which is something i cant afford. so decision made to go through the easy way. i get whatever i want with breaking people's heart. no such feeling of guilt but there's a moment when i stop and think about whatever i am doing and that moment goes away easily as what offered is full of temptations. i go with the flow. i cherish every moment though i know its wrong.

choice. perfectly explained by intan. life is about choice. every day we face situation that demand us to make decision. in a way life is very objective. macam exam. salah jawapan fail la. same goes to life. every decision that we made will result us something.

alhamdulillah in this holy month, i hope that i my answer to my issuesare right. how i wish its a perfect answer. but there's always barrier to it. lust, wants, temptations and the list goes on and on and on. with me turning 19, i hope i can be a better teenager that make a wise decision in every issue. let my last year of teenage be the best year of my life.

thank God.

adios

alhamdulillah.

hakim-menghakimi

take note : its my anniversary, i'm down with a mild fever, my throat hurts like hell and of course i am hungry. astaga. hahahaha. lapar tetap lapar. demam tetap demam. bertahan lah sebentar.

for the past few hours, i have been checking my wall for the latest birthday wishes, reading those wall post with a big smile. thank you everyone. your wishes made my day. i hope today will be even better. i'm going to cook for my lovely friends tonight. lama tak main bakar-bakar. hehehe.

lepas sahur je terus straight pergi chow kit with Lego. beli ayam, sotong, kentang, bawang putih, parsley and salad. for all this lovely ingredient, i spent about rm 50. which is so expensive. now i understand what is mahal and murah in groceries. am going to hunt for few other things after this.

so, the title goes normal. judge. judging. word that describes teenagers. semua orang guna perkataan itu. especially when people talk about them. what do actually people talk about you? for me, in my point of view, i would say your principles.

take an easy example, people judge you based on your outfit. you are what you wear. same goes to what you eat. if you eat a lot, then its a foodie, if you wear something wrong, you are stupid. senang tak? principles is the rule of conduct. it shows how you conduct things in life. so, when people judge you, maybe, there is something wrong with your rule of conduct. maybe a few amendments would make you a better person.

being me is not easy. for the past few years. i learnt about attitude that people have towards me. its not easy though to cope with all the talking, mocking, and of course the society judgement. but one thing i learn is that people tell you things for reason. its the fact that we cant judge our own act. so, when people talk about you, why don't we take a second and see what we have done that we got such judgement. and if there's nothing wrong with you, baru la nak marah-marah ke buat blog post ke apa ke. hahahahahaha

byebye

what is it about me?

hahahahaha. i need a good reality tv show. like the apprentice. to boost me up. to have those entrepreneurship spirit back. to be able to plan things well. i need Hanis' and Intan's pep talk. Along's of course. the best of the bunch. i need my mother's smile. to lift me up from this scary slum of laziness. i need everything that i have been missing so far. how i wish there's no test for tomorrow. boleh lah balik malam ni. jumpa budak-budak.

my heart jumps when i watched Wafiyya's dance video. damn. i miss her so much. crush me people as i am so fragile right now. luar nampak boleh tahan. tapi 18 tahun jadi anak bongsu. so memang manja. shishh.

1 thing i'm looking forward is cooking on the 21st. haaaaaaaaa. mesti meriah. tapi itu la. takut semua busy. yang duduk kat KL tak datang aku jejak korang. tuntut hutang. hahahahahahaha.

cepat lah masa berlalu. cepat lah tidur. cepat lah sahur. cepat lah subuh. cepat la En. Jumaat. cepat lah Zakwan Anuar. cepatttt.

;D

berjaya?

DC baru habis. finally i get to see my project working. hmmm. im not upset despite the result. im upset with the value of the competition. time management was below average, it was a weak management compared to last year DC. not to forget, the superior age wise people. just because you're older with more experience doesn't mean that you're better than us as we see things differently. we had our moments of failure that gives us the picture of this field. but its okay. karma is a bitch. what goes around comes around. we have few tournaments ahead of us. lets just see how the game will be later.

KAU TETAP BURUK DAN BODOH. ;D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

fuhh. fair.

game. its the game. no matter how hard you try, the computer will never be fair. in some games, you can never win. i hate computers. especially the ugly one. some computers have bad hardware, so it shows in its performance. what an analogy kan? should i get credits for this one? how human actually is like computer. computers shape the game ; put the best player, read our movement, even paint our movement. it never considers our feeling and passion. so, thats why we have cheats. to break the codes. till now, i dont know what is the best cheats to understand the game. maybe i should never give up to look for the key. how i wish machines have feelings. ;(

such word

i cant think of a single word now to describe how happy i am rite now. lega? gembira? rindu? tak tenang? semua ada. haish. trap in angau. maybe that is my state rite now. entah la. clearly, some people know about whatever i am doing rite now. ada yang happy for me and ada yang pull up straight face bila aku start bercerita. tapi tak apa la. i'll do things that makes me happy. dan, aku happy dengan life aku sekarang. life is about choices. i choose to go this way.

ada yang menyusahkan, keanak-anakan, dan bodoh mengacau hidup aku. macam bangun pagi je terus dengar budak-budak dekat bawah pasang lagu apa haram jadah tah. stupid alarm clock.

orang office yang penuh dengan persoalan. kenapa susah sangat nak buat aktiviti di U tersayang ni? itu la persoalan nya. ada je cerita di sebalik keputusan yang pelajar-pelajar tak akan tahu. as long as i can go to Jengka, im fine with it though i have to make few decision that might hurt and raise many questions, nak buat macam mana? pergi la tanya datin-datin di office tu.

whatever it is, what i am facing right now is lifetime experience. so i am going to take it gracefully, ramai je orang yang suka berdrama tapi life is drama. so later on, aku akan jumpa benda-benda haram ni lagi 10, 20, 30 tahun akan datang. so Qayyum Iskandar Bin Sulaiman, suck it up.

i cant wait to spend more time with my loved one. every single second spent, sangat precious. family, friends and of course yang special.

i know you dont like cheryl cole, tapi i like. live with it. hahahaha. love

SORANG-SORANG

note the time and date.

its the final for the world cup. i am all alone in my room. sedihhhh:(

im not feeling well to go out with the others. nak je ikut diorang overnight but im too tired and worn out tonight. no one on ym. shitty moment. i've slept from 8 something and just got awake. Fad called, nak borak pun tak ade mood. haishh. i hate this feeling. demam. tu la. i ate too many durians. seronok sangat. hahaha. i had fun though today.;)

the junior debaters is cool. we, the seniors, push them to the limits as DC is coming up in not more than a month just to avoid debating during Puasa. so okay la. we've pushed them as hard and as far we could. googling every single thing that help them to become a better speaker. i hope it works as seeing them debating 2 days in a row kills me. penat jugak nak practice je. i hope my duty is fulfilled. ;)

i seriously don't know what to do right now. how could Lego leaves me alone. he could wake me up at least. hahaha. considerate la tu. tak nak kacau orang sakit. have yet to see Zack. i hope he's all fine. lots of thing to tell and to hear.

lately, asyik rindu je kat budak-budak. its been awhile since i've spent my time with the girls. Isya and Wafiyya, i miss both of you like hell. nak sleepover la nanti. Maisara pun sama. cepat betul dia besar. gerammmm. i hope i can stay at home masa cuti mid-sem tuu.

i love my friend too much. i cant wait for Krol to come back. looking eff-ing forward to meet with all of them. mesti best if all of us can hang around like we used to hang like before. life has push all of us away from each other but we know our string as group of friends will always pull us back together. sedih la pergi debate kat Jengka and Dewi is having all the time and chance to see Krol. Damn you bitch. hahaha.

cheers!;)

ONE FINE DAY

fuhhh. its raining rite now here at Kuantan. macam faham-faham je. why is it always like this. i can imagine the seniors gone through the same shit. the fear of loosing a friend bila result MUET dah keluar. some pass and some dont. haishh. see, to go to BLS, one must get at least 3.o for cgpa and score band 4 for MUET. sounds easy. no, its not easy. its unpredictable. its the fear of the unknown 1 day before result MUET keluar. my dear friends, its not the end of the world bila u all tak score MUET. there must be a way bila u betul-betul nak something. everyone know it is true. so dont give up that easy. who knows with lots of prayers God will finally bukak pintu hati Dean Law Fac nak buat interview? :)

take your time to heal. dont take too long. u might lost precious thing along the way. so, take your time and say goodbye to this part of past. when you say goodbye to one thing that will pull you down, then you'll see things better. i know some experienced this before. but no harm trying again.;)insyaallah

i wish everyone pass their MUET. but its in God's hand. He want to test His slave. there are thousands of challenge in front of us. this is one of the challenges. org cakap senang la kan since aku da lepas. this is like me talking to myself. i can burst my tears anytime if i see my friends crying. n how i wish Zack will be fine. haishhh. xsuka la masalah-masalah ni. its like seeing someone you cannot help. as a friend, kalau boleh semua nak tolong. but, in this case. tak boleh buat apa. haisshhh.

kenapa la UiTM tak buat Bel je as a qualification. kan bagus. tak payahlah bazir RM 60 everytime nak sit for MUET. dengan sound interruption masa Listening Test. complaint yang selalu aku dengar. siap tolong orang buat application nak buat paper Listening balik da. but so far, hapak pun tak da. typical Gov agency.

adios.

blood and tears

so. da lama x update blog. yg x ramai orang ni. but still. at least intan ezzety can get my updates. n khairul. if he's reading la kan.

another 1 month. da habis cuti. for the first month. of my cuti. i applied every single retail shop yang ade vacancy. sad enough none called me. a few. but not a good offer. so i talked to this 1 lawyer. applied for internship at his firm. n i terus dapat. turns out. he's looking for people. to do small stuff.

there, i met Alice. 52 year old clerk. very warm. friendly. cool. no words can describe how cool she is for 52 years old. 1st week was all about learning. 2nd week, i got to go court. went there with hanis. it was fun. following the breach of trust case this 29th of april. this particular lawyer handles accident matter more than criminal or conveyancing matter. kinda freaky to see he get his money from blood and tears of people. but hey, its legal. and working in the firm shows me how firm works. different firm got different system. so far, i like Alice's system.

i'll be working there for the next month, may. reluctant to leave the firm. while i'm doing the filing and stuff. i got to see how much money coming in and how much money going out. its thrilling u know. working as an intern really motivates me to become a lawyer. insyaallah.

Social Psychology

today, aku da habis jawab social psycho paper! i manage to get 2 hours of sleep before the paper because i cant sleep! bukan sebab study ke ape, sebab makan ginkgo. so people, jangan makan overdose. mmg xboleh tido. badan lenguh-lenguh. nak tgk Project Runway then tido.

but 1 thing bothers me a lot.

i tend to see my friends are departing. like the circle is no longer a circle. it is like everywhere. maybe physical distance deter our encounter. its true. when we don't see someone as often as we did before, we most likely to focus on the thing that is in front of us rather than the thing that is far away from our eyes. so, aku tak nak la salahkan anyone in this matter. its just i miss u guys.

i miss her. baru jumpa break hari tu. tapi tak puas. ada rezeki jumpa lagi.

budak egypt. belajar kat Alexandria. we rarely talk now.;[

but so far, girls kt KL still in my heart. u know who u are.

but hey, i met new friends who become closer to me. everyone can see that each one of us are making new friends at our institution. bagus la kan. tak kan la nak be friends with the same people. since ur bestfriend is not there with u. damn lonely then. i miss both of u damn much. especially Khairul Anwar. sorry that i forgot ur birthday. i hope we can still talk like we use to talk and i am so proud of Intan Ezzety for such epiphany.

M M? NOT.

mtc 038

well well well. free2 habis 15 markah.-issue- punya la stay up smpai pukul 2.30-3 pagi. -rajin?aku pun nak buat statement jugak- dgn Nasa and Haikal. sebab final exam. and first paper 038. paper mr ikmal n madam bai. bukak2 je question 4. part B. blueggkhh! pening. takut. gentar. 15 marks. xtau nak cakap pe. teringat paper add maths kejap. sbb add maths teruk sangat. mtc 038, part B, question 4. nostalgic.....

beserah je la.....

so afta that. nak menyedapkan hati. paksa Wawa g Secret Recipe. of course ade Zack, Alia and Qissy. Sara ngn Farim mane2 tah. makan CARROT CAKE. -paham x carrot cake sedap?- nafsu buas. its been a while xlepak ngn the girls. especially Qissy. so we talked and laugh smpai lupa kesedihan 038. like semua xdpt jwb same question. Qissy melayan cerita Zack. high end la ape la. kesah aku. hahaha. Wawa ngn Alia beborak ngn aku. mmg best melayan diorg. awww. Miss u girls already. ohh. Wawa order choc cheese kot. Zack choc brownie. and makan tomyam. aku pow zack. tomyam noodle die. so xpayah lunch hari ni. kan da jimat. and then kitorg pergi Giant. Zack beli hape tah. Wawa pun same. canned food. sangat makanan bujang. And aku beli peanut butter with grape. finally. punya la desak Nasa suruh belanja. last sekali kene beli sendiri. hahahaha.

so now. dekat dalam bilik. nak tidur. tapi nak borak ngn Nasa. tapi die tgh tgk Fist of the North Star. tah anime pe tah. nnt aku lyn la tu. nnt. hidup mmg xpernah puas berborak. nak buat laundry petang ni.

F U :DD

not again....

nasa is back. i never realized i missed him that bad. (well qayyum, he's your roommate). whatever. its 4 o' clock. i want to sleep. but i cant. i had fun with doodle tonight. it went well. but i was disturb by the thoughts that my final exam is next week. so i did a little revision. after i finished my revision, i revise my very lovely favorite tv series! Betty. i managed to stream until episode 13th, season 4. n yess. i love betty so much.

every time i watched betty, i got inspired. her character is so inspiring!;] tells you to be positive no matter what happens to you. i enjoyed it. that particular episode is about blogging. what we read now is that people blog about their feelings. hatred the most.happiness too. what the writer-Ugly Betty wants to tell is that blogging helps you voice out.not all of us own a magazine or newspaper or tv company. so blog voice the owners vioce. it is not wrong to voice out your anger, i mean i did that too. but it is more cool,personal opinion, if we blog about something positive! i'm not saying that i wont write-hate anyone. but i hope i wont "tell" much. hahaha. dream on. this post is just a simple review for betty. hahaha.

so, tomorrow, my dear friend Arif will conduct a class at 8 AM. i don't know why the time is so perfect. i can't sleep now. how the hell am i suppose to wake up as early as 8 AM tomorrow?! not funny. he'll be teaching 038. that is our first paper for the upcoming exam. blughh.

and yes. i want to tell more about my aim for this 3-months of holiday. not exactly 3 months. i want to work. a part time job. i fill up few form at Pavilion, KL. if i ever get a job there, i have to take public transport. regret. yet, i don't want to work somewhere around my house. i used to work at Dunkin Donut. i get a lot fatter working there. its not fun to see donuts, sandwiches and coffee in front of your eyes for free! working there, you have to eat or you'll regret.

with that dream of part time job. i hope i can save as much as i can. because... i want my own car. a CLK would be fine. Cute Little Kancil/Kelisa. any would do. haha. imagine me in a kancil/kelisa. that will be like so hot! hahaha.

and not to forget. my dream body. i want a six-packs. badly. right now, i'm in the middle. i don't think i am that fat nor that skinny. middle means flabby. thats what Kay called me. what i have to do now is;
1) work my ass in the gym

wish me all the best!

F U

i miss Sulaiman Marsom, Zaleha Abdullah, Reni Diana, Johan Iskandar(not much), My nieces,Izzati Faiqah, Khairul Anwar, Hafizah Azra, Fadhly Zamry, Ashrul Afham, Anis Mustapha, Reynaldo William, Amirul Asri, Hanis Ali, Dewi Shafikah, Maisara Mustaffa, Lyana Zarrel. Najwa Ismail too!

much

you know how it feels when your friend is happy and you are not? you dig deep into your heart but still... no answer what is that feeling? jealousy? betrayed? i think i got an ISSUE! i'm lonely. my friend must think that it is funny to hear this from me. but hey, yes, i want someone, someone you can lean on when you're in deep trouble. right now, i have my friends. they love me. they care for me. they even breastfed me if i want. but they got their own shit. their own life. i don't want to bother them with my i-can-actually-solve-this-thing-on-my-own story. maybe i don't really need a girlfriend. its a rush. i hate being in a relationship. its the thing that i hate-love. in a relationship, you have to give commitment. its a new thing that i have to learn, adapt and develop. hard work.

i'm writing this post because i was inspired by Ugly Betty. Betty is about saying goodbye.

first thing first, betty. that 11th episode of season 4 is about saying goodbye and start all over again. she had to say goodbye to matt as he wants to help african's. so wahtever. what i actually see in that episode is that, i have to say goodbye to the things that is leaving me. so, goodbye. watching betty saying goodbye to matt really ease my pain. so, saying goodbye is a good way to move forward. so yes, i want to move forward. i don't want to stuck in this mud. i have aim, goal and ambition. i am young. lets not waste my shiny youth moment. LOL. so i should say goodbye to anything that holds me and start over a new page. what is that new page?

a car! a part-time job... and a lean & fit body before my 3rd semester. wish me all the best.

bokkk ehhh :DD

cerca

x puas aku menulis blog ni. rase macam nak cakap semua benda. tapi takut macam bohjan sebab desperate sgt nak org baca. so fine. orang semua tulis experience kat blog diorg. aku pun nak jugak la. so yeah. this entry will be a new kind of entry from me. telling my friends out there my updates. pentingkah?

last weekend. pegi novice. Novice Championship 2010. specially for English Debaters. this time, i'm more excited to learn and gain experience as history shows that if you aim high, too high actually, berangan jela. expecially if u don't work that hard. so this time. more relax. thanks to WAWA n QISSY. dua2 bitch ni thought me a lot of stuff. of course kitorg nak pegi finals. nak mencapub n stuff. tapi xde rezeki. they are like so cool afta winning or losing. like i wish i macam tu before this. we won 3 rounds n lost 3 rounds. ok la tu. macam score 50% for add maths test. hahaha. i love you girls so much!

n of course. my life kalau xde conflict macam fairy tale. last VC gaduh sana sini. Novice is all about commitment and trust that we put onto each other. memang tested la. so yeah. someone got eliminated. to make it fair, he or she can still come to the 3rd semester audition. (kalau die nak la kan)

not to forget. how i become so proud of my fellow new friends. MAR, BIELA and MIMI. all of them are new. in debate club of course. but they got to debate at Novice. as a swing team. Mar get to debate with RMC boys. Biela and Mimi got to debate with foreigners i think. so memang rezeki diorang to get that national kind of training. they look so happy back then.

not to forget my Black team. Hannah, Merc and Lego. they did well too. n i never seen Hannah laugh so much till she met Ashrul. that guy really know how to crack a joke. name it. any kind of joke. paling best. racist and sex joke. if i am to mention every single name here. it will be like "baik you buat assignment Qayyum"

cerca,

F U

Blood line

its normal for us to write to show our gratitude to something. yela. kau da happy mestila nak bagitau sume org. kalo marah lagi sial. mcm nak ambik SPM balik. nak kutok sume org pastu dapat A. baik karangan BM or BI. qayyum.... L A M E much.


here i wanna say how stupid i am to not show gratitude to my family. ade few moments back then rase macam they don't like my way. they think im all diffrent. banyak ikut kawan la. they worried much bout me. i understand how much Abah and Mak loves me. and of course, my talian hayat to survive kat Kuantan, Along and Jojo. they all agree to hate my new hairstyle. they think i look like MC Hammer. even madam jue pun ckp mcm tu. siot je. but i still love this hairdo. feels so like a rock star. u know those looks when u walk alone in a crowd n people stare at u. most of the time they like it. maybe the time line of fashion in my family lil bit different. my closest sibling is 9 years old older than me. he likes amy search. i like britney. berbeza gila. but we love each other. my family also think i'm too thin. but, they never see me sitting on a chair half naked. i look like Uncle Chong jual ikan. badan kurus perut besar. sometimes i'm confused. do i have to be all afro and fat so that my family feels like i'm a part of them. no. they actually want me to understand how and why i should be a part of them. no more late nights (agak s u s a h), no more smoking (i quit :DD) n of course study hard. my sister, Reni. have this painful quote everytime she help me, N O FREE LUNCH. main idiom kauuu! by enjoying my so called teen life, i'm afraid they actually see me as a stubborn and cocky son. with this upcoming holiday i will try to be a better son and party harder! LOL!

eeeeeekkkkkk :DD