another 9 days.

be realistic. reality is the best movers. so be honest to yourself and face the reality so it moves you. so you wont stand still at the same spot.

you cant dwell about your reality all the time. face it. work it out. if its a problem. sounds simple. but nothing is easy in this life. standing 12 hours straight everyday, i tell myself to give up everyday but bitch, you want many things in life and RM10 wont be enough to cater everything. i dont even have 10 bucks. face it Qayyum. you want things. so work it out. another 9days. an oven in a month! less fat less calorie.

berangan

hahaha. aku baru dapat this one job. start 19hb. i'll be stationed at KL Sentral. so with the gaji yang dia orang offer. aku selalu la berangan nak beli apa. yang penting bayar hutang dulu. ahaaaa. menyesal la pulak berhutang. tak banyak mana pun. tapi still lah kan. hutang. okay. mula-mula ingat nak Blackberry. tapi bila fikir balik. bukan nya aku nak sangat pun. mesti macam menyesal beli sebab aku da puas hati dengan Samsung aku sekarang. fikir punya fikir. aku nak beli OVEN! yes. OVEN. nak eja jap . O.V.E.N. Ya Allah. bestnya kalau aku dapat oven sendiri. tak payah nak share dengan mak. kesian oven dia bau ayam bagai. kalau aku dapat oven tu. brand Faber pun jadi la. for a start kan. macam orang lain beli kamera. aku beli oven. ahahaha. comel pulak aku rasa. boleh bakar macam-macam. dah la aku ada banyak benda nak bakar. nak masak. tapi tak pernah dapat buat betul-betul sebab mak tak kasi guna oven dia. nanti nak buat kuih macam mana la pulak kan. kita orang kan buat semperit so nanti semmperit mesti bau ayam bagai. kesian la. yes. OVEN. orgasma kejap aku fikir sal oven ni. memang aku senyum sorang-sorang kan bila terfikir pasal oven ni. hahahaha. macam haram eh perangai. OVEN OVEN OVEN OVEN. aminnn

preface

a preface to a new chapter in my life.

i cant get this out form my system. all i think about is you. but hey, i have a dream. where i want to move on and be happy. i dream of fine day that i will not think about you. but i know that it is impossible as you leave me an ugly scar.

so i got to find a way to shut this misery. i have to find reasons. reasons why i exist in this world. reasons to live. i am not living for you anymore. i am living for myself who i hardly know, for my family who cherish me with their love, for my ambition that keeps me going and for my dreams that keeps me dreaming of life.

so much pain you have caused. so much suffering. i dream of fine day when i can smile again as if there is no black clouds at all. just like how i used to be. jolly, happy and jumping around. feeling me, feeling fresh, feeling real and composed. knowing that i have the power against the ground that i am stepping on. breathing the fresh air that is filled with world's reality. not fantasy. knowing that i am actually breathing for my own sake. not for something that i cant touch and feel anymore as you are invisible.

you stab me everytime i try to smile, you mock me everytime i try to think and you loath me everytime i try to talk. to be happy now is like a sin.

i am done. crying for for you. you are not worth my eyes. i now will decide how i want my life to be. i have dreams and i rather be chasing things that can be reality unlike you that will leave me astray and hanging.

forever and always

forever and always. i wish i could say this phrase to u. tapi tak ada rezeki. you have your own way of seeing things. maybe the age factor gives you more exposure. unlike me yang baru nak kenal dunia and when you act like you are the best couch to land on, act je, aku misunderstood. yelah. susah nak kenal hati budi orang in a split second. semua orang kat dunia ini ada agenda sendiri sedar tak sedar. maybe it was just the phase of loneliness. i was yearning for some attention. you know what i mean. when we are in despair, all we have is ourselves. you can trust no one but your self. credits to layla for these words. nasib baik aku jumpa kau. an eye opener. aku tak sangka yang aku akan fall in that trap. sometimes i wonder why do you gave me all the signals? maybe you cant foresee what happen next kan? so you know what, i am moving on. i always told my friends that when you had your heart broken, lagi-lagi first love, move on, cari orang baru or jadi single je and know yourself better sampai kau ready and just keep that special someone in your heart as a special person. nothing more than that because what's the point of holding to something that you cant hold? tapi bila kena dekat muka sendiri memang dumbstruck. terpinga-pinga. clueless. dopey. jadi bodoh. haish. so now, im dwelling upon my words and digesting it. insya Allah aku okay. lagi pun aku dah mula meluat fikir pasal kau. hahaha. tergelak pun ada. dulu cakap "i will never hate you cus i never felt this way" tapi sekarang dah lain pulak.

enough with that shit.

ouh yeah. sekarang ni dah ada macam "ritual" bila melepak dengan sahabat-sahabat saya. ahahaha. memang macam sial. say grace. tho its not in my norm, but we make it like our friendship symbol. lagi-lagi bila berempat. like afiq, aku pun lupa jugak nak cakap apa time tu, so blogging pun cute what. ahaha. of course im thankful to God for meeting us up. for my health and everything. but thanks to Ash for being there throughout the whole time, you are indeed a friend, true friend. ada saja benda nak buat. things to spice up. make it more us. ahaha. aku kadang-kadang tak larat nak melayan kepala gila kau. tapi kalau tak layan tak best pulak. macam left out. ahaha. Zack. aku rasa dalam banyak kawan, maybe ye. maybe. kau la yang paling aku sayang. sebab bila jumpa. kalau tak gaduh, macam pelik. tapi tak pernah nak putus kawan ke apa ke. you have always been there for me. in any way pun and you know what i mean here. you are my therapy. lega bila jumpa kau especially bila kepala kusut. mesti bawak aku melalak. pastu marah-marah aku nyanyi lagu britney. cilaka. love you sis. and Afiq, aku terkejut okay yang kau ada banyak benda in common dengan aku. your birthday, your life, what you like to eat, what you like think. maybe thats why we can click instantly. you know that i am always here to be your shoulder to cry on. i will try my best to help you to be the better you but bear in mind that you can trust no one but yourself. put your guards as to not letting people come in that easy. love

adios.